Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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