You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
