My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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