It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
