I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
