U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
