I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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