wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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