New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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