My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
