I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
