filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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