She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
