She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
