what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
