You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
