I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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