you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
