He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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