Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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