none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
