I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
