Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
