Me too!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
