It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
