I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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