idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
third nipple confirmed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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