Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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