Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
