i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need moral support for this bender
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
