I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
