Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
