we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
