They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
