I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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