It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
