Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
