honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
