Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
