Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
