It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i barfeds in our rink
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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