did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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