i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Houston, we have a blender
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
