I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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