I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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