Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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