I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
