Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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