there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
