I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
