Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your cock deserves a montage
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
