im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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