Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
