This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
