Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
